


Have You Got the Guts?

by PanicFOB



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 08:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20654255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanicFOB/pseuds/PanicFOB
Summary: Sirius has been pining after Lily's best friend for far too long. Inspired by the lyrics of Do I Wanna Know? by the Arctic Monkeys.





	Have You Got the Guts?

Well, this was it. Prongs was officially married, and Sirius was going to be alone forever pining after a woman who would never love him back. To make matters worse, he had had to walk down the aisle with her because she was Lily’s maid of honor and he was James’ best man. The dress Lily had picked out for her was a horrible shade of green, but she managed to look beautiful in it regardless. He’d offered her his brightest smile when she took his arm and they walked toward the altar together. She smiled back, of course, but Sirius couldn’t see the same yearning behind her eyes that he felt when he looked at her.

He wondered how he had grown so mad for the woman without even realizing it. They’d known each other back in school, but just barely. Lily and her group of friends had avoided the marauders like the plague up until seventh year when James had finally won the redhead over. Sirius hadn’t thought much about Y/N up until that point, but once James and Lily were dating, Lily’s best friend became a constant presence in their lives as well.

It was a year after graduation that Sirius first admitted to himself that he was in deep over his head for the woman. For years, Sirius had been a one-night-stand sort of bloke, never bothering much to commit to any woman. After leaving Hogwarts, though, he found himself despising his lonely lifestyle quite a lot. Y/N’s face often came to his mind when he was with other witches, and he had a tendency to quit sleeping around altogether during the occasions he knew Y/N was single.

He knew it was a long shot because Y/N had always been a no-nonsense sort of person, and, well, Sirius was as free-spirited and as contrary to rules as they come. She’d always turned her nose up, same as Lily when he and James did something childish. He’d teased Prongs all those years for fawning over a goody-two-shoes, but now here he was doing the same thing.

Things had gotten even harder for Sirius to deal with when at nineteen Y/N took a trip to Sweden with her family and returned with a Swedish boyfriend. He was a wizard as well, and he was a snobby prick. Sirius loathed him, and not just because he was jealous of the bird on his arm. He had hoped it would just be a fling between them, but the couple stayed together for a year and a half. It had gotten so hard for Sirius to watch that he had become prone to skipping parties and dinners where they would all be together. It was a bit pathetic for Sirius to admit that the day they had broken up was the best day of his life.

Now, he sat at a table on the very edge of the garden that James and Lily’s reception was being held in. Most everyone was up dancing, having the night of their lives, but Sirius was pouting and nursing a bottle of firewhiskey. The liquid burned magically in the back of Sirius’ throat, and he cherished the pain over unrequited longing that tortured his heart. He watched her spinning around on the dance floor with Remus, not far from the newlyweds. They all had huge smiles on their faces, and for the hundredth time in the past few months, as he felt so separated from the people he called his best friends, he cursed himself for pushing them away.

Another burning gulp went down the hatch. Sirius’ eyes started to water, but he chose to ignore it. Perhaps if he was a braver man, a true Gryffindor, he would have told her how he felt years ago when he first discovered the feelings. He was a coward, though, not bold in his love like Prongs had been for Lily.

The next thing he knew, Y/N was hugging Remus, James, and Lily and then walking over this way. Sirius sat up straighter in his chair as he watched her approach.

“I’m leaving Sirius. I’ve still got work in the morning. Just wanted to say goodbye.”

“I was sort of hoping that you’d stay,” he confessed.

“Why? So you can continue to stare at me with that depressing look on your face all night?”

Sirius paled at being called out. “You noticed that, huh?”

“I really don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, Padfoot, but I miss the cheery bloke that used to always brighten my days.”

Sirius was about to wave her off, tell her he didn’t know what she was talking about, but then he realized that the dark of this night and the firewhiskey in his veins might be just the atmosphere he needed to say what he’s been thinking for over three years now. It didn’t matter if it all came back to bite him was the sun had risen, he had to tell her now, or he might die before ever getting it out.

“What’s gotten into me lately is this maddening love that I feel for you.” He stood up, stepping closer to her as a drunken speech formed in his head. “I dream about you all the time, about how perfect it could be if the two of us were together. I’m constantly having to stop myself from kissing you because you’re always there and your lips are always so lovely right in front of me. My thoughts are constantly of you, over and over again I repeat them. No matter how hard I try to move on to someone new, it doesn’t work out because I’m too busy being consumed by your very existence…”

Her eyebrows were raised in shock, but Sirius really didn’t want to hear what she had to say. He wasn’t prepared for the ultimate heartbreak. “I don’t wanna know how you feel about it because I know the answer will be something I really don’t like.”

He went to turn away from her, but she grabbed his hand. “Do you though? How can you know if you’ve never asked?”

“If you felt the same, what have you been doing all these years shacking up with that prick from Sweden?”

“Waiting for you to get your shit sorted out and stop shagging ever witch in London, Sirius.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me, love. Why did you never say anything?”

“Why didn’t you? You’re the one that’s supposed to be oh so brave. You should have had the bullocks to tell me how you feel without the aid of an entire bottle of liquor.”

“So we’re both cowards and idiots who should have said something before now. But we’re both in love with each other… where does that leave us?”

“I think that leaves us needing to have a proper chat tomorrow when we’re both sober.”

He used her hand that was still clutched on to his to pull her close. “Please promise me you won’t change your mind in the daylight. I need to know you’ll still love me under the sun the same as you do now under the stars.”

“Sirius, my feelings for you run very deep. I swear to you they won’t change under any circumstance.”


End file.
